You Are NOT Too Much

You are NOT too much. Society constantly feeds women the message that we’re too much something or another. These messages are designed to keep us playing small. To keep us “in our place.” It’s time to deprogram our internalization of these stories.

When I was young, I knew I was amazing. I was creative. I was confident. The world was magical! I was magical AND powerful. I owned my world and I loved the people in it. Life wasn’t about control and perfection wasn’t a thing. Until it was.

At some point I learned I wasn’t good enough because I was too girly, too big, too imaginative, too silly, too loud, too talkative, too emotional…

It just occurred to me how weird it is that being “too much” for people makes us not good enough.

I felt alone and confused because it didn’t used to be like that and I didn’t understand why it changed. Desperately wanting to be liked, I figured it must be that something was wrong with me. So, I learned to fit in (or at least try to fit in.) Validation of my worth became based in whether you liked me. Likeability = success

I played small because likeable women aren’t threatening, you know. They are not “too much.”

By engaging in emotionally harmful relationships I validated the belief that my own inner compass was broken. Fearing the fallout of choosing wrong, most of the time I didn’t even choose and, thus, let indecision choose for me. (Ironically, that was one of the biggest ways I proved myself right about being bad at choosing.)

I looked to be saved because, clearly, I was broken, made bad choices, and not good enough.

That was all bullshit.

• I was never broken only disconnected from my truth
• I didn’t make bad choices. I made choices to take my spirit on the journey of growth and learning it came here for.
• I AM good enough to stand in my own power.

This has been a long hard journey and I’m still on it but I own it now.

The more women I connect with in my work, the more I see that this is a bigger story than my own. This is OUR story. It’s been perpetuated by society and by US to keep us playing small. It’s time we stand our power and be seen, be heard, and hear each other because it is together, lifting each other up, that we are the most powerful.

I shared a story recently about it being the year of the Power Mom and I couldn’t agree more.

Power Moms are actively working to change these micro and macro oppressive dynamics for ourselves, our children (regardless of their gender), and the world we’re bringing them up in.

This is big work and we need each other because the patterns of self-doubt and the “rules” we’re suppose to play by are deeply embedded in our subconscious ways of being.

Wherever you are on this journey I encourage you to remember:

• You always have a choice – Just identifying it helps own your power, even if you still choose the same thing you would have otherwise. If you don’t like what you’re choosing, knowing another choice is possible allows you to look for the support you need to create something different.
• You deserve to take up space – This isn’t just about demanding it from others. Sometimes the hardest part of this is ALLOWING it for yourself – giving yourself the time and space to listen and hear yourself. Take up space for meditating, planning, celebrating, etc on a regular basis. Take up space for choosing – your responses don’t have to be immediate and decisions are usually more loving when you take space to respond rather than react. When it feels urgent, unless it’s a medical emergency, that’s usually a sign pause and give yourself space. I love the saying urgent need is my will (ie my survival mode) and calm certainty is God’s will (ie trusting I fit in the order of the universe).
• You are not alone – There are others who get you, who support you, who love you. They may not all be in the same person or people but they all exist. Seek out what you want because where your focus goes, your energy flows. Create your team of support, lean on them, be one of them. We are all stronger together.

Shifting subconscious belief patterns is hard. They often get embedded into WHO we believe we are, our ‘personality,’ and we usually surround ourselves with people who reaffirm them for us.

Know that you CAN change those beliefs with conscious intervention.

I’m cheering for you and, if you want more support than that then let’s chat! Grab a spot on my calendar for a free exploration session HERE.

In love and Light,

Valerie

P.S. Be sure to check on my podcast, Unlimited, for more on this topic!