Planting Seeds of Hope: Mindset Strategies for Women Leaders in a Time of Uncertainty

Hello, my friends, and welcome back for season five of your mindset, unlimited, mindset tips, tools and inspiration for women leaders. I’m your host. Valerie Friedlander, ICF certified coach, sociologist, intersectional feminist artist, mom and self proclaimed nerd, possibly also proclaimed by other people. But that’s not really what’s important here today. We are talking about planting seeds of hope, and what this episode is going to cover is what to expect in this season, obviously a little sneak preview of we’ve had a little rebranding, little update in Title and Description and all of that, but it’s essentially the same as what you’ve gotten before. Nothing dramatically different, but more on what are the little things that have changed, also harnessing the energy of the spring season. You know, planting those seeds resiliency cultivation allowing us to navigate the unknown spaces and frankly, quite uncomfortable spaces, and releasing comfort and convenience and replacing those with joy and community so without further ado, well, let’s get started.

I am so excited to be back, and let’s talk a little bit about what you can expect from this season. What is changed? What is staying the same? Obviously, the name has changed a little bit, but not a lot. The intro has changed. Basically, my big theme right now is simplicity. We are trying to be as simple as possible while conveying the value that I hold myself to in terms of my standards for this podcast, you are still going to get a podcast episode twice a month, possibly a bonus if we have a longer month. I am also going to be adding in some short ads to each episode, not this one, but going forward, because I really want to uplift some other voices within my spaces. I know I do that with interviews, and you will still get interviews, but there are other podcasts, writers, businesses that I really want to make space for so there’ll be short ads in most many episodes, and we’re just, we’re gonna keep it simple. So you’re still going to get interviews with amazing folks. You’re going to get some solo episodes like this one, where I’m digging into ideas and you’re also going to get some coaching episodes if you are interested in being coached on the podcast, anonymously, of course, or as anonymous as I can keep it without distorting your voice. Then there is a sign up in the show notes that you are welcome to send me info and we’ll chat further about getting you set up for that. And I would love your input. I want to hear from you so you can do that by sending me an email. There is a form in the show notes as well about ask me anything. I’d love to feature you if you want me to say who you are that sent the comment in, then I’m happy to do that, if not just leave it blank and keep you anonymous. And also, there’s a way you can send me a text through I know at least Spotify. I don’t have Apple, so maybe you can do that through Apple, and you can leave comments. And especially, what’s really helpful if you love this podcast, is to leave me a review, which would be amazing, because it helps more people find my podcast. Of course, there’s the old fashioned recommend it to other people, which is also super appreciated. So those are some of the things that are different and the same again. Please send me your feedback, your info. I’d love to hear from you. And let’s talk about what this episode is about. We are kicking things off. We are diving into spring. I take a break over the winter because, as I mentioned in a couple episodes back about that winter energy. I really think it’s important to take some time to reflect and turn her inward and spend a little space in the subconscious. And of course, as I mentioned in the last episode, then I got sick for the better part of a month, and just needed to take some some space. And I think I. While there are things that are really unpleasant that we wish we didn’t have to deal with, we can always create opportunities in those we can choose how we show up to them and what we create from them. And in a lot of ways, I think, that is the spring energy we are moving from the unconscious realm into the conscious realm, into the intentionality we are in an energy of shifting from the dreaming, visioning space into choosing and designing, not necessarily action, yet, though, of course, action is always important, but really allowing room for experimentation in this phase, trying some new things, being around people and connecting, gathering information and planning, strategic thinking in preparation for action. And that’s the energy of spring. Now I think there’s great opportunity in leaning into the energy. And we all have our own rhythms and our own cycles. So not like that’s exclusive, but let’s talk a little bit about like, what is invited if we were to emphasize and enrich our spring energy. So this is a space of really allowing our creative flow to move through. So if you think about it in terms of, like, one of the tarot decks I have is about the Wheel of the Year, and I love that invitation into, like, the time of arrows. It’s a time of air, time of arrows. So if you think of releasing an arrow with intent, it sends an archers will through the air to its target. And the process of that is like, imagine you have this quiver of ideas and desires, and you’re going to take focused aim really, steadily, drawing our will out that almost think like that rubber band stretch, pulling the tension fueling the energy behind the arrow that will be released, and then releasing that creative and intellectual drive with that aimed intentionality. It’s important to remember that the key to a smooth release is steadiness, being in a relaxed state. Now I know that’s really hard because things are really stressful, so making sure that you are caring and, like I said in the last episode, tending to what’s important? What do you need to create that steadiness, that stability, physically, mentally, emotionally, so that you can have the patience of aim and harness your own gifts and desires and your cunning into what you are aiming towards. So we want to face this coming season with our own honesty and integrity. That is key, that we stay in alignment with that. And that is not easy. There’s a lot of difficulty in that. I’m going to talk a little bit more about that when we talk about discomfort and inconvenience, but for right now, taking that time to plan, to be clear, to discern that right relationship and trust that when you are aligned and when you are in right relationship, that the guidance that you receive is going to guide you into appropriate action. So the invitation as you enter spring is to really tap into your purpose, the direction of your heart. This is the peace that sustains your compass, that gives that pointedness and keeps you connected to the universe. So one of the things that I invite people when we first get on a coaching call is to really think about, what do you want? And sometimes the answer is what they don’t want. And anytime that comes up, we want to shift into well, what do you want? Like, if you didn’t have that thing you don’t want, what would you have? And so you can ask yourself that if you find yourself focused in on things that you’re afraid of, things that you’re stressed out about, to give yourself the space, because it does take space. It is not easy to lean into, and we’re surrounded by all of this fear and stress in our daily life, that it’s going to take a little bit more room, and it may take other people to help you lean into that this work really, truly is not individual work. A lot of it we do need to do on our own. The inside work that allows us to do the outside work isn’t stuff that other people can. Do for us, but it doesn’t mean that it has to be done alone, and I would really encourage you not to do it alone, because we can get lost in our own heads, and that’s one of the things that’s so beneficial about like book groups, not that I think talking about things is the only way forward, or that it will solve anything, but it can help you get out of your own head and out of the spin and the limitations that we don’t even realize we have put upon ourselves. This is a big part of the work that I do as a coach, is helping people step outside of the places they don’t even realize they’re limiting themselves, or connect dots that they hadn’t connected before because they didn’t realize they connected. Because when you’re too close to it, sometimes you can’t see those threads that relate to each other. So taking that time to really connect to your purpose, the direction of your heart, what is that compass point. So when I talk about foundations, I’m talking about, you know, visioning, I use that term a lot. There’s some episodes about visioning that I go into more detail, but really thinking about, how do you want to experience life? How do you want to show up to life? What impact do you want to make? What’s the difference that you’re looking for? How would that feel if you knew you were making that difference?

Connect into those pieces, because the way we move in the world creates what we produce. I don’t like that word, but you know what I mean? Like the it’s not that the ends justify the means, it’s the means create the ends. And we don’t always get to see exactly what those ends are. Sometimes we’re feeding into something and we don’t know if it’s going to work. And that doesn’t mean that it’s the wrong thing to do. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter. We get caught in this analysis paralysis of, oh, I want to know this will work before I do it. I don’t want to waste time, I don’t want to waste energy, and that is a rabbit hole that holds us back from doing the things. So I the gardening analogy, I think is is pertinent here, but I will give full transparency, I have not, as of yet, become a gardener. It’s on my wish list. It’s part of my own visioning. But that is not something that I have activated yet, and I recognize that, like holding on to those seeds, if we just hold on to them and we don’t try and plant them, there’s nothing will happen. You won’t sow anything, but some of those seeds won’t root, and some of them will and does that mean that the ones that didn’t were wasted? I would say, No. I would say the process itself matters of cultivating the earth, of being part and connected to the earth and the growing process, even if it doesn’t work the first time. And I will note also this is me talking to myself in a very literal way about growing things, but I think it’s also pertinent to the variety of other things that we’re going to create or that we want to create, so remembering that doing things matters, because that’s how we learn too, right? Even if it fails, even if it doesn’t work, that is how we develop new knowledge and learn about ourselves and about our relationship to other people, other things to the earth. This is part of our learning process. It’s also important to remember the responsibility involved in our actions. And I recognize that responsibility can feel very weighty, and sometimes in a lot of ways, it is that does not mean that we don’t take action, right action and just reward are inherently linked. You will reap what you sow, how you move determines what you sow, how you act, and then also how you don’t act. So I remind you of this, not because I want to add extra pressure again, it is important that we take the time to really be intentional, and that means both at the beginning of action as well as at the end of action. That’s more of the autumn space, like if we think seasonally, we have the intentional intentionality at the beginning with our planning in the spring, our action in the summer, and then our accountability in the fall, where we assess, how did things go, what happened? So each of those two. Experiences. Each of those energies is available to us all the time, but we’re highlighting spring of that intentionality of this is important that I make a choice and that I own that choice that is part of accountability, owning our choices and making them with intention and remembering that justice will be done. It just doesn’t always happen in the timeline that we experience, as Tolkien wrote, whether the Ents would say we are hasty creatures after all, so we often think that we’re going to see the results, but justice change overcoming oppression is generational work. It’s not something that we see right away, so when we take right action, it may be particularly uncomfortable for us in the moment, and again, we need to remember that it matters how we move, what we choose, how we act, how we interact matters. So this is the time where we’re invited to commit to going back to the archery reverence to the hunting of a new life, or the seeding of a new life, if that feels better to you, and a better relationship with each other and the world. So gather your tools, steady your state of mind. Connect to your heart. Take careful stock of what you want to achieve, why and the way you wish to go about it. Fill your quiver with all the talents, the knowledge, the compassion, the cunning that you possess, lean into your conceptual dreams, building strategy, building communication, connecting with others, your creativity and prepare yourself to take action towards your vision. The next piece that we need to talk about when we talk about taking action is failure, essentially. But it’s not just failure when we talk about resiliency cultivation, it really is resiliency to all of the things that feel uncomfortable. I know that’s that’s not super fun, but it is important. And one of the big issues that we have is difficulty being resilient to the unknown spaces to going I don’t know. We all want to know. We have access to so much information right at our fingertips. To say I don’t know, is so uncomfortable. I experience this even when I’m watching a movie. I’m like, I’ve seen this actor before. Where have I seen them before? And I can just pick up my phone and I can look it up, but I remember the experience of mulling it over. I would sit through an entire movie, appreciating the movie, but also going, where have I seen them before? And part of my brain is like trying to figure out where I seen that person before, and then I figure it out, and it’s so exciting. Ah, that’s it, the thrill of discovery, of connection, and it takes time, and we have lost a resiliency to that process of reflection, to have the patience for that exploration within ourselves with outside of ourselves. So that’s part of the resiliency cultivation. It’s not just resiliency to things not working out, to the unexpected. A lot of times we think of it as like, Oh, I thought it was going to go one way, and then it didn’t. And now I’m disappointed. Disappointments a difficult emotion. So it’s also that unknown space of I might be disappointed and fear. We are surrounded by a lot of fear. Fear brings out the worst in others, and it can be extremely motivating, but it’s motivating our worst selves. We tend to comply to actions that we know are wrong, out of fear, out of the unknown, out of a fear of punishment of other people, fear of suffering, all of these fears tend to motivate us because we don’t have resiliency to that space of new, that space of discovery, of unknown and frustration when things aren’t working the way we expect. And we have to pivot. We have to adjust, we have to learn and grow

so we overcome fear, not by focusing on the fear, but by cultivating other emotional states, by leaning into states like joy. Where do we create joy? Admiration, ness? Nostalgia, love, even sadness and outrage, also fascination and disgust. Like, have you ever been like this smells gross. You should smell it or, you know, this is really odd tasting, you should try it right. Like we have this inspiration that comes from the experience of something, but when we get locked in our own heads, fear can take over. It’s another reason why we really need each other. I’ve been reading the book, let this radicalize you, by Kelly Hayes and Mariam Kaba, and that’s one of the things that they talk about, is overcoming that and leaning into these other experiences I’ve only gotten through chapter three. This is back to the book club idea I’m doing in a book club on this, but one of the quotes that I really appreciated in it is that in order to invest in a new vision, a new way of living, we have to believe in each other and our capacity to create something better. Our belief in human potential must outweigh our fear of human failure. Our imaginations must be courageous. And this is something I see so often with coaching, is that people aren’t ready to do something unless they believe that maybe something else is possible, and isn’t you have even have to be like, I know something is possible. It’s maybe something is possible. Maybe I could have different than this. People stay in dysfunctional relationships all the time, partly because they don’t believe that they could have any better. And this speaks to that, what are you committed to. What are you focused on? What are you choosing to pour energy into? And a lot of times, people want clarity and they want confidence, and we don’t get that without courage, the courage of leaning into the unknown and doing something different, being someone different in the world. So connecting with that idea of what is, what is failure? To you? What does failure feel like? Really engage that idea of failure. So often there are things that scare us that are lurking in the corner that we don’t shed light on because we’re afraid of what we’re going to see. Well, shed light on it, engage it, because when we look at it, a lot of times, it’s not as scary as we think it is. So what is failure to you? What are you afraid of? What don’t you want take a look at that, and then think, if I didn’t have that, what would I have? Even if you think you’re seeking something different, sometimes that fear is informing what we think we want. Instead of really being willing to take a look at what do you really want? What are you actually committed to? There’s a portion in the book on page three that says, I know that claustrophobia too well, the belief that you’ve come to understand something awful and inescapable. It’s a feeling I have confronted many times, but I eventually learned that the answer is always the same. When you feel trapped by an oppressive inevitability, you never stop trying to escape because every jailbreak begins with a decision to reject the inevitable. It is the courage to pick up a pen every time, knowing you may not finish the story, but knowing full well that you will reject the ending you’ve been given every step of the way. Reality is malleable, and I share that, because we need to face those fears and take a look at them, and then really know what our prison is, and then we can reject it. Then we can go, No, I am going to choose something else. Recently, a client said to me, I just have to believe I’ll be all right. And I invite you to explore. What does that mean to you? Because part of our conditioning is what it means to be all right. What does success look like? So we talk about defining your version of success. We’re taught success looks like making lots of money, becoming a millionaire, having a big house, having a fancy car, whatever. And a lot of people I work with are rejecting that version of success. They want a success that looks like enjoying life and being present with their family and those sorts. Of things, and we still have been conditioned with a lot of these ideas. And when you’re bombarded with all of the fear messaging that we’re surrounded by, we get really focused on survival. Again, it doesn’t allow us to be creative, be imaginative. So taking a look at what does it mean to be all right? A lot of times that means to be comfortable, to have life be more convenient. That’s what we think we’ll enjoy better is when I don’t have to work so hard. What could it mean to be all right. Something I talk a lot about is this idea that being uncomfortable is bad and it’s not. It is when we label it that way, we avoid it. But discomfort is part of the growing process, part of the learning process, right? Failure and discomfort often go together and inconvenience. So when you are trapped in a system that isn’t serving you, trying to get free is going to be uncomfortable. We think, Oh, if I’m doing it right, it won’t be uncomfortable. But that’s not true. If you’re locked up, getting free isn’t going to be easy, it’s not going to be convenient, it’s not going to be comfortable. And we have to get past that idea of what it means to be all right, and that is that it is going to be uncomfortable. We are going to have to stretch ourselves, shift ourselves, engage in things that we’ve not done before, which is naturally uncomfortable. It’s also not going to be convenient when everything in our systems pull us one way we end up having to be like salmon swimming upstream. Swimming Upstream is not convenient. It’s much more convenient to keep going with the crowd, with the flow of the energy and the messaging and all of that. It’s not convenient to go the opposite direction, to say something different is possible. It does take courage, and it does take care, and it’s way easier to do with a school of fish, because then you have that support of doing the inconvenient. So taking a look and what could it mean to be all right? It could mean care. It could mean connection and belonging and purpose and joy and curiosity and creation. So notice when you’re leaning into being comfortable, when you are leaning into what’s convenient, and activate that vision going back to that idea of that spring time energy holding true to your purpose and the direction of your heart as a compass point, taking the space you need for care, connecting with others, so that you can build an alignment with that, even if it means you’re swimming upstream instead of downstream. And remember that what we’ve been conditioned to think of and process as being all right. That feeling of all rightness may not be what we feel as we step into building what will truly make us all right. So our bodies are going to talk to our brains, and our brains are going to go, oh, well, this means this, and we’re going to make some meaning out of what we’re experiencing and that vibration of discomfort, and sometimes that vibration of discomfort is in a recognition that something is not right, something is not aligned. And that doesn’t mean shut it down and move away from it and ignore it. It means lean into it and go, Oh, this isn’t right. What can I do? What energy can I put into it? What do I need to confront this? What courage? What will help me access courage to engage it again. It’s not comfortable to break free, and it is inconvenient to do something outside of our norms, and it is necessary.

And I’m going to share from the book a little bit of inspiration for that, because it can be really hard to lean into discomfort and the things that aren’t as convenient when we don’t have that vision of what’s possible, when we don’t have that inspiration to help us step into our courageous spaces. There’s an example in the book of women in prison and the social life support system that they create for each other. In this particular example of. To lift each other’s spirits and imbue life with a more joyous energy. Some of the people Cosby was imprisoned with would sing until they got in trouble and then keep singing while working shifts in the kitchen. Cosby was among those who would sing quote every so often whatever COO or kitchen supervisor or whatever come by and be like, shut that up, cut that out, and we’d be like, All right, and sing anyway. I am noting that I’m cutting out the cursing because I’m not putting a content warning on this episode. But there is cursing here when the women were issued a disciplinary ticket for singing, they would respond by making up a song about the ticket. This rebellion of song created space for joy in a brutally oppressive environment, despite the fascistic nature of prison life and the surveillance that dominated their lives amid playful bouts of song, Cosby and the other women were able to smile and laugh and dance. I share that in part because in the book club that I’m in, one of the women commented about having a sort of jealousy of like, I want that and going, well, I don’t I don’t actually want to go to prison to have that. What does it look like to cultivate that in my own life now? And it occurs to me, as we were discussing this, that in order to cultivate that, we have to let go of other things. We have to be willing to put down some of our isolationistic tendencies, our individualistic tendencies, the things that we hold on to because they feel comfortable, because they’re part of the rhythm that we’ve learned that is convenient In our life, and do something different. And again, even doing something different that we enjoy doesn’t always feel comfortable. I was kind of used to this idea you had to clean up before guests come over, and I just didn’t have the time, and a friend just came over, and it was fine. We had a great time, and it was a little uncomfortable at first, because I was very conditioned around me, like you’re supposed to vacuum everything and clean the bathrooms and do all this stuff. And yet, it started to allow more room for joy. It allowed me to put down some of the things that I had thought had to be there. And it took some courage to be able to say, Yes, come in and not go. Please ignore the mess, right? Like to just allow it to be what it is, because the connection was more important. So this is where I invite you again. What are you committed to? There’s a quote from the book, a shorter one this time, that says acceptance of the discomfort and pain actually reflects the depths of your caring and commitment to life. So commitment is important. Courage is important. When you’re leaning into something different. We are working towards a future we are unlikely to see as I mentioned, uprooting oppression is the work of generations, and the important thing is to act. So what are you committed to? What helps you harness your creativity and your courage and your imagination? Octavia Butler talks about the idea of positive obsession, and positive obsession helps us overcome that inconvenience and discomfort. There’s a section from the parable of the sower that says, God is change, and in the end, God prevails. But meanwhile, kindness eases change, love quiets fear, and a sweet and powerful positive obsession blunts pain, diverts rage, and engages each of us in the greatest, the most intense of our chosen struggles. So I’ll wrap this episode up with inviting you to explore a few questions in your life, what is your vision, your positive obsession? And I gave you some ideas of how you can go about exploring that through a few other questions throughout this episode, where are you connecting with others who align with your chosen struggles, with your positive obsession. If you’re not connecting, where will you start looking to connect? What obstacles are you facing to build into this vision that you have? What support. Support do you need? And what support can you offer? Exploring these things, tapping into this is where we seed hope. I know you were wondering like, how does this connect with seeding hope? Because I hadn’t mentioned it yet, but seeding hope means leaning into those things, to be willing to act, to believe in what’s possible. This is where we tap into hope. So if you need support, figuring out what your vision is, what action to take as you pull that bow string back to loose arrows. What arrows are you pulling? What is in your quiver anyway? What are you even aiming at? Any of those questions are totally understandable questions. They’re questions that I support clients with all the time. So if that is something that you would like some support to dig into so that you can start taking action and connecting and doing something different, because sometimes we know something different, we need to do it, but what? That’s what I’m here to help you with. And so please don’t hesitate to reach out. I have a link for a free exploration call, and if you’re not ready for that, and there’s no obligation there, it’s just a conversation. But if you’re not ready for that. Definitely get on my email list. I send out periodic emails with inspiration and ideas and also opportunities that I’m offering within my own work. So sign up for that, and that is where we will wrap up the first episode of season five. Thank you so much for being here, and if you enjoyed this episode, if you were inspired by this episode you want to get more, make sure that you subscribe to the podcast and please share it with a friend. And if you feel particularly inspired, drop me a comment. There’s a little section where you can put a comment on the episode, or you can always email me privately at valerie@valeriefreedlander.com, and I will talk to you all next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai