Hey there Mama!
Of course we all want to be an amazing Mom for our kids. We want to help guide them, nurture them and support them. We’d also really like them learn from our mistakes and all the trials we’ve been through so we can keep them from the pain we went through.
It’s easy to get caught up in the “Am I doing it wrong?”, “I’m a bad Mom” and “I’m going to screw my kids up” thoughts. So, I first want to take a minute to remind you that you are a awesome Mom. Really. You are clearly putting effort into showing up and being the best Mom you can be and in giving your child the best that you can. Keep up the good work!
You see, no matter how awesome you are, there’s only so much you can control. And, honestly, it comes down to just you. You can guide your kids but, bottom line is, you really only have power over you.
Now the three things you most typically hear people talk about regarding control stuff with young children are eating, sleeping, and pooping but there’s a fifth. The fifth is how they interpret, feel about, and remember events in their life. You don’t have any control over what they pick up from you or others. That can be hard because it means you’re going to give your kids baggage no matter what you do. They’re going to pick up something from you and you’re not in charge what that is.
What you need to know is that they’re on their own journey, just like you are. They came to you for a reason. You are their parent for a reason. Whatever it is that you’re here to teach them isn’t necessarily just the conscious stuff. Yes, you can guide them and support them but what they’re here to learn isn’t up to you.
On top of that, they’re here to teach us too! We are each other’s biggest teachers.
So stop picking up that stick to beat yourself up over a situation that doesn’t go well. Instead of going “I’m a bad Mom, etc.” I encourage you to instead ask yourself “What do I want to learn from this situation?” and “What do I want to try next time?”
Allow yourself to learn and be teachable. Your child will teach you about who they are and help teach you about YOU.
This is a beautiful relationship with a unique dynamic because you are both unique people. While they may reflect many things that remind you of yourself or your partner, always remember that they are uniquely them.
It’s normal to want to protect them from the pain you’ve experienced but, though perhaps similar, they are not you and their experience is their own. They’re on their own life journey. One of the best things you can do to help remember this is to take care of you and consciously create your own journey. The more in charge you are of your life, the better an example (even when it’s messy), the better a relationship, and the more enjoyable a life you will have.
To help you with this, I invite you to ask yourself regularly “What do I need to do to be the best me I can be right now?” That’s really all you can control. Do what it takes to be the best you you can be. Listen, learn, grow, allow them to teach you as you are here to teach them, sometimes in ways that are unintended but still an important part of their Journey. Trust the process and be present for the process.
If you want the support of a Mom community all striving towards this, I’d love for you to join me in An Empowered Motherhood Facebook Group. If you want to take this even further with some personalized support, schedule a connection call! I’d love to talk to you.